Squatty

Being over here in China, there are things that can be very different from what you get used to in the States...always eating meat on bones (boneless is said to be only for the priveledged and astronauts), people hawking all over the place, bikes running people over, and squatty potties. I've been here for almost a year and have thus far avoided using one of those mysterious squatty potties. Well until a week or so ago.

The story begins with me working in a remote area of China outside of the busy city of Guangzhou. Based on my bathroom research at this client it appears that all they have to offer a man is the squatty potty. One day I ate at the Company's canteen for lunch (canteen being what is referred to in the States as the cafeteria), the meat on that particular day was extra boney and the vegetables like a greased up cobra (for reference as to what greased up cobra refers to, please research the 1995 PSAT's). Anyway, I got back from lunch to find my stomach saying to me "was that food you just partook in or was that some solid form of Drano." Needless to say in just a couple of minutes, Mr. Doo Doo Brown was knocking at my door, and he was pretty angry. So my quick thoughts told me to run upstairs where the management have their offices, "there has to be a regular toilet up there, right?" I went racing up and with seconds to spare lunged into the first stall in the management bathrooms, to my dismay I found I had stumbled upon yet another squatty potty. Well, Doo Doo Brown wasn't going to wait so I hunkered down and set him free. Now, without getting into the awkward details, we'll fastforward to be washing my hands. I was out of the stall washing my hands when I glanced over to the stall next to the one that I just finished in, low and behold, there it was a regular toilet. Yes sir, this officially makes me an idiot, but oh well, at least I got to experience a little bit of China (in the bathroom).

Okay, so here's what you've really been waiting for:

In: Everything China (and I'm not just saying this cause I'm here). My sources in the US tell me that basically every network news broadcast each evening has at least 1 story related to China these days (last week not included). I also notice the popularity of China stories on Yahoo increasing (both during the China day and during the US day, so its not just the Asians boosting up the story's popularity). In fact the US even wanted to blame its stock market "adjustment" last week on China. To those of you who want to know, the Shanghai index resembles the US stock market pre-1929 (okay maybe not that bad, but its close), I know kind of scary, bottom line on this one, the Shanghai Index does not have much real value behind its numbers and will eventualy go through a much larger dip then what was seen last week. In a smart person's mind, this should not mean anything to the rest of the world (i.e. if something is overvalued it should go through a natural "correction," does anybody recall the e-bubble in the US market in the late 90's), unfortunately, investors not connected with what is going on are going to take that as a sign of doom and the US market will dip for no apparent reason (that will be about the time that I buy huge amounts of everything that will be undervalued). So to the US, keep watching the Shanghai index, real great market they got over here. And to US news broadcasters, it appears you are good to go with all your China stories as the public is soaking it up.

Out: Guaranteed Money in the NFL. I know, I know, this is my second sports related "out", but sorry, this has to end. Whatever happened to those good old days (like last year) when the NFL was the one league where a player could sign a 7 year deal for $49 million and only get an $8million signing bonus, with all the rest of the money up in the air based on their performance. Listen, if Joe Quarterback blows out his knee the first game of next season, sorry man, you got your signing bonus and we're releasing you, now that's football...you gotta earn what you get. Is anybody else tired of these outrageous MLB and NBA contracts (I believe the New York Knicks paid Allan Houston around $40million over the last two seasons, by the way he retired in October of 2005, that's some great business Isaiah). I mean Joey Porter got $20million guaranteed, are you kidding me (by the way, is anybody else reminded of Mushmouth from Fat Albert when Porter speaks "Iba like-a toba thanka the Miamiba Dolbinsba"). So NFL don't get yourself into the same rut as those other two sports, keep making the man earn their money.