Microwave Matt

Back when we just moved into our apartment we figured out quickly that we needed a microwave, something that wasn't provided when we first moved in. So we went on a walk to the closest department store to find the microwave. The closest department store was about 25 minutes from our apartment (probably about 3km's away). So we went for the walk and found the microwave. Now you may or may not know that I am a cheap, but I am very cheap. So we leave the department store and we realize that neither of us has a business card to hand the taxi driver for him to take us home. Note that we knew nothing about the language and we really could only point our way home, which would be a project in itself. So we were forced to walk home with microwave in hand. Now for those of you who have not carried a microwave a long way (which is probably most of you), a microwave is not that heavy initially, but after you walk about ten minutes with one on your shoulder it starts to get heavy. Just picture the scene, a white guy with his wife and a young kid, walking down a street in the middle of Shanghai China, with a microwave box on his shoulder. Needless to say we were getting a bunch of stares (much more then normal at least) and my shoulder was getting sore, but it was by far one of the weirdest walks that I have ever done.

That's just not right

For those people who are squeamish and can't take stories about gross things, then please do not read on, while this posting is safe for work, it may not be safe for your health.

A couple of months into us being here in China we were driving home in a taxi and I just like to people watch while we are driving in a taxi, so on this particular day we were driving back to our apartment when we came to a stop. While we were stop I noticed that there was a lady holding a little baby. The baby let out a cough and was clearly feeling a little sickly. Well what happened next was something that I will never forget for the rest of my life. The lady proceeded to put her mouth up to the baby's nose and sucked the snot out of the baby's nose and then spit it out on the ground. It was by far one of the grossest things I have ever seen. Now this is China, but that is not something that commonly happens here, and I just can't imagine what was going through that ladies mind when she did that.

Yuck, it still gives me the chills thinking about it (can't say I didn't warn you reader).

Stomachs, Lungs and Brains...Oh My!!!

I am at my favorite client right now (not really), and as a part of all the fun, we get to eat all of our lunches at the Company's cafeteria (here they call them Canteens). Today for lunch we were served pig's lung soup (I had a nice big chunk of lung in mine) and spicy chicken stomach...uhhhh...at least its spicy. In talking with my staff of course they gave me what I have heard out of all my staff when I am offered something "interesting," they say, "here in China we believe that the parts you eat help the same part in the human body be healthy."

Okay, Okay, so the lungs will help me breathe better and the stomach will help with my digestion, I get that, but there are some parts that I just can't put my hands around. What good does a ducks chin do for me if I eat it? What about bird's spit? What about the meat from a camel's hump? And finally, what the heck does eating any kind of anus do for me? Can you help me solve the mystery????

E-motion-less

Another fun Halloween Story takes me back about 6 years to when I was in college (uh oh, it was 6 years ago, man oh man I am old). I was up in Pittsburgh visiting my beautiful fiancee, now wife, Renee, and I was staying with a buddy of mine, let's call him Hamon Dall. Now Renee was actually working and I was up there on fall break, so I had absolutely nothing to do, so one day Hamon and I went to Target. As it was close to Halloween, the store had all its fine decorations out for all to see and buy, so we went looking through all the various pieces of junk that people could buy to make their house look "creepy." With Hamon's parents out of town we figured that we should buy some junk to make his house look scary, so we went down the aisle that had the lights and stumbled upon the "motion lights," such characters as a motion pumpkin and motion bat. These lights would show a pumpkin becoming scary or a bat flying, but what really caught our eye was the tag for a motion ghost, just think of the possibilities a ghost flying through the air, how much creepier can you get (note that in our minds the motion ghost looks nothing like the picture above, just thought I tried to scare anyone who is reading this with the not so common blow up ghost decoration).

Noticing that they were out of the motion ghosts (noting that they had a plentiful supply of the other motion lights) we asked if they had any more motion ghosts in the back, the worker went back and could not find any. Knowing that it was our destiny to find one of these things, we went to the next store only to find the same thing, plenty of motion bats, but no motion ghosts. We started to suspect that either they had to pull all motion ghosts or that they were actually trying to have motion goats, and made ghosts by mistake (why the whole motion goat thing would work for Halloween is, in itself, a spooky mystery). So we decided to spend the rest of our free time during my week up there looking for motion ghosts, we probably visited about 4 or 5 Targets and even called a couple, of which, they all mysteriously were out of theses ever elusive motion ghosts. We finally came to the conclusion that the motion ghosts probably too closely resembled a KKK member and Target decided that having a "motion racist" would not fly during Halloween.

What are you roasting?

I listen to the Relevant Magazine Podcast each week and it is by far one of the best podcasts out there. As Halloween approaches, it is only appropriate for me to give the relevant podcast people some credit for one of the best "alternatives to Halloween" ideas. One of the hosts of the podcast lived near a church that would put on the Holy Ghost Wiener Roast as an alternative to Halloween. The name is pure awesomeness, I really think that all churches should host a Holy Ghost Wiener Roast, I think it could be used a great evangelizing tool. So really, if you want to take the idea (as I did to write this post) go ahead.

Late Night Queen

During our honeymoon I was awoken one night at around midnight by the sound of crowd laughter coming from the television. Even though I had already been asleep for about 2 hours, my wife was still up watching something on the good ole television. It was at that time that I decided to request that we not have a television in our bedroom for the rest of our marriage (what can I say, I like my beauty sleep). This has played a huge part in me getting to bed and not being awoken by my wife giggling at the TV or having some loud advertisement scare me out of my sleep.

As you may or may not know, Sunday morning at 3am (China time) was the finals for the Rugby World Cup, I got up with my UK friend and we watched England lose 15-9, needless to say, I was quite tired on Sunday, but I didn't a nap, so I headed to bed a little bit before 8pm. My wife decided to watch some episodes of Grey's Anatomy (as we got the first 3 seasons on DVD from a friend that is moving back to the US). When I woke up at around 11pm, I noticed that Renee was not in bed yet, so I walked to the office to find her watching Grey's Anatomy, I warned her to come to bed cause she will be tired the next day, but my warning fell on deaf ears. I then awoke at 3am to find that the place next to me in bed was still empty. I fell right back to sleep and have no idea when she came to bed, but I do know that she had to get up around 7:15 this morning, so I can say with certainty that there was not much sleeping going on for my wife last night.

Oh what the kids'll say...

Maddie is at an age where she really is learning a lot and she is able to express in words some of the things that she learned. This morning while my wife was getting dressed, Maddie looked up at her and causally said, "Babies suck on boobs." While definitely true, my wife immediately looked at me and said, "why would you teach her that." In regards to any statements that are a little off color or that relate to random things (like nursing a baby), my wife immediately thinks that I taught our daughter the statement. Well, I didn't teach her this tidbit (not sure why it would even come up in a conversation between a dad and a 3 year old) and to prove it to my wife, I asked Maddie how she found out about this.

Turns out that in the nursery on this past Sunday there was a girl who is about 1 1/2 years old that started to cry and the mom took her and started to breast feed her. Regardless of the fact that the child being breast fed is a little old, (although I have heard of kids up until first grade getting breast fed, can you imagine this, the kids is playing soccer in the park and they just run up to their mom for a fill up, kind of creepy) I guess Maddie watched how the mom was able to sooth this child by having them suck on the breast and was able to decipher that women's breasts can be used, as she put it, "like a bottle." So a perfectly good explanation for how my daughter learned this act and she definitely got me off the hook.