Thursday, April 26, 2007

The Funkiest Bunch


Relevant Magazine (best magazine out there) has a podcast that they do once a week, if you haven't checked it out then you're really missing out. Probably the best non-sports podcast out there in my opinion. Anyway, they do an editorial question of the week each week and as a part of it, you can write in your response to the question of the week. Well this past week's podcast asked, "If you could have a funky bunch, who would be in it and why?" So below is my email response to them and is truly the best funky bunch ever (note that the funky bunch should be no more then 4 people other then yourself and they had to be people that they would know about, so a best friend or scary uncle wouldn't work):

Besides myself, the brains of the operations, my bunch would consist of the following people, each chosen because their traits bring out the best in everyone all over the world:

1. Takeru Kobayashi - you may not recognize the name, but maybe if I call him "The Tsunami" you may be familiar. Yes, he is none other then the reigning Nathan's Hot Dogs eating champion. He would be my number one go to guy, my right hand man if you must. You see I always find myself in a bind cause whenever I hit a diner I seem to order like 53 hot dogs, and well I usually eat two and want to roll out, so that's where my man Kobayashi comes in, when it would be time to go and there would still be like 51 hot dogs on the plate, Kobayashi would attack the plate and down the rest in around 3 minutes 22 seconds, so by the time we pull up our money ride, he would hop right in ready to hit up the town.

2. David Blaine - Sketchy to many I admit, but when I just need to see someone do some fake levitation I can be like, "Yo Dave, get out of that ice cube and levitate." Plus, he would be our money maker as he would ask everyone we would pass, "Is this your card? Now give me $100!"

3. Any really good Break Dancer - Basically when we walk into a room with Good Vibrations by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch playing, we would need someone to always be dancing, and the only good dancing out there is break dancing. He would also be able to scare off our rival funky bunch from the other side of the tracks that would always want to bring us down in the form of a break dancing contest.

4. UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon - While very smart I admit, his role would be more of our token diplomat in the bunch. After speeding in our 1985 Box Ferrari through a school zone at a cool 25mph and being pulled over by a cop, Ban (or Bandit as we would call him) would whip out his official diplomat card saying "I'm flossing the Dip Card, Now Hate That!!!" and get all charges dropped.

Now wouldn't that be the quintessential funky bunch, no one, and I mean no one, would mess with the likes of us.
IN: The NFL DRAFT. I think I could write 15 pages on this, but I will spare you. Some people hate the NFL Draft, but I guarantee it gets better ratings then any other weekend program (at least the first round). I understand that all it is is a bunch of names being called, but to me it is the time for teams to build themselves into champions through taking a chance at picking up a young athlete they have a feeling is going to be good in the future. I swear I could sit in front of the TV during both days and watch the whole draft, I mean the whole thing. It is so intriguing to see what my team, what rival teams, what teams that I will not watch one game this season do and how they will fill in the gaps for their needs. I really love the draft, it is a new beginning for some teams, and a rebuilding for those that are already at the top or near the top. Too bad I will be busy this weekend (yes I will be in the States, but I have other things to do), I might stop and watch 1 or 2 hours, but I do have plans. I can't wait to get back to the States and plan a guys weekend where all we do is eat and watch the draft, that will be awesome.
OUT: As predicted by me in an earlier post, Rosie O'Donnell is out, way out, and I hope she is never back in. She claims that she did not re-up with ABC cause of contract disputes, but we know the real reason, they recognized the fact that she is crazy.

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